The Onion of Emotional Healing

Throughout my emotional healing journey, I repeatedly found myself discouraged. The same issues I thought I had previously resolved would resurface like a school yard taunt reminding me I was not good enough.  The unhealed wounds persisted like cuts on my back unable to be properly tended to and continued to reopen. It felt like nothing I did was enough to make them go away.  And I did everything ‘right’.  I read self-help books, I took prescribed medications, I completed journaling prompts, I did mirror work, I meditated, I followed my therapist’s advice, and yet… the smallest, most insignificant things (like trying to pick out a Mother’s Day card) still held the power to unravel all my progress.  I would find myself despondent; nothing I did had actually changed anything and all my work was worthless.

The truth is, being a human is hard and we each came to earth enrolled in a challenging curriculum to study as Grand Masters. We are tested and pushed through so much in this short lifetime; forced to feel all the emotions and challenge ourselves beyond our wildest imagination. Mastery is formed through repetition – so we keep coming back and keep going deeper.  Emotional healing work is not linear; it is not simple. Rather, healing is like an onion, there are layers upon layers.  Starting the journey and peeling off the outer shell is often the most rewarding step; but then there are numerous layers underneath that take us deeper into our greatest fears.  The challenge is that even when you are doing the work it can feel like you are making no process. Each layer of the onion looks the same.  The same triggers repeatedly boomerang back with striking alarm.  This gives the illusion that nothing is changing and bound to time our perspective is limited.  We are often unable to see the broader picture that each time we have the experience we are indeed going deeper. 

Meanwhile, our minds are ever the trickster. The harder we try to avoid an issue, the more it keeps appearing until we acknowledge it.  Like the ‘ironic process theory’ – it is impossible to tell yourself to not think of something without thereby thinking of the precise thing you’re trying to not think about. The more we push away the things that make us feel uncomfortable, the less progress we make.  To complicate matters, we have been taught success does not come without pain, hard work and suffering.  This is a false belief; the healing process does not need to be painful if we shift our perspective – for example: tears are a magical gift to our body and soul with powerful healing abilities meant to be embraced and honored.  

When I started shifting my perspective and looking at my emotional healing as layers, I was no longer searching for the solution that would cure me.  I stopped chasing the apology to validate my feelings. I understood there is no magic button to make it all go away.  Rather I now recognize this to be a Grand Master level course. At times, it will challenge me, but at other times it will excite me as I dig deeper into understanding the truth of who I am and the potential of who I can be. This is a life-long process meant to be embraced with an open heart.

When deeply traumatic events occur, the consequences can be varied and intense. The depth and complexity of this is not something I believe can be fully articulated given the limitations within our current language. But I will share that as beings of light existing in a physical body – trauma lives in our energy plasma as well as in our physical cellular make-up and can be passed on through our DNA.  This means our body remembers experiences and responds to trauma which our conscious mind may not be able to comprehend.  When trauma is not tended to, it can manifest as disease in the body or mind.  Depending on the trauma experienced in other incarnations, a part of our soul may even be given to another, or we may be holding a part of someone else’s soul.  The repercussions of trauma can persist from within our current lifetime, from other incarnations of our over soul or be passed down through our ancestral linage. For example, many struggle with feeling unsafe to speak their truth or are unable to embrace their spiritual abilities due to deeply inherited trauma (such as the ‘witch wound’).  

Due to the complexity of trauma this often requires deeper introspection into the root cause of triggers, fears and anger.  Often referred to as ‘shadow work’.  It can be an emotionally challenging, tedious and lengthy process.  I personally believe shadow work is endless, but it is also immensely important with powerful implications for our lives and the lives of those connected to us.  Working in the Akashic Records, I surmised the following three high-level aspects of spiritual debris (if you will) that demonstrate in different layers of the theoretical onion of one’s emotional healing. While there are more nuances to these as you go deeper, I have found that just working through these have been immensely supportive of my personal healing journey.  I share them now with the hope they may assist others as well. 

1.      Vows:

• These are things we say to ourselves, and some vows can bind or block us. When we consider words are spells and thus hold power, we can see how the things we tell ourselves can influence our thoughts and behaviors.  This has had powerful applications in Sports Psychology where athletes learn to psych themselves out before a big game to improve their actual performance.  Similarly, a negative thought like, ‘I am worthless’ can lead to depression and decreased self-esteem.  Vows can persist from within our current incarnation as well as across all incarnations of our over soul; often when we have core feelings of being unsafe or unworthy of abundance for example, these are significant to past lives as well as our current life.  Interestingly, vows can also ripple out from our ancestral linage, for example what it means to be a man or how a woman should behave are ingrained in us over several generations.

• The challenge with vows is a clearing will only help to the extent that you then change your self-talk. I personally have found it very helpful to command out the release of specific vows previously stated to clear that frequency, but we then must mindfully counter all future language as well.  For example, if I then say my programed mental note of “I am worthless”, I need to counter it with: “No, I am worthy.  In fact, I am perfect and all my imperfections are divine blessings to be honored as demonstrations of my unique strengths.”  It is highly recommended to speak affirmations out loud so our bodies and mind can hear it.

 2.      Cords:

• These are words that have been spoken to you which then dictate how we see ourselves.  Some cords can thus bind or block us from our full potential.  Think of things your parents may have said to you as a child which now run like a broken record through your mind.  Cords like Vows can persist from all incarnations of our over soul and within our ancestral linage but is strongest for what is spoken in your current consciousness due to the link to your personal story of whom you then tell yourself you are.  For example, for the longest time everyone told me I was quiet and shy.  Now this is not something which personally resonated with me as a truth of who I am but given so many people independently said I was – I began to believe and act accordingly.

• The challenge here is the same as with Vows, clearing will only help to the extent that you then consciously take the initiative to change your behavior and interrupt the program.

 3.      Contracts:

• These are agreements you establish at soul level with other souls.  Most contracts are agreed upon prior to your physical incarnation; while others may occur at soul level in response to conscious choices we make (such as a business partnership or marriage). Sometimes these are established to support our ability to become a master in a particular thing.  For example, I have a contract with my son to teach him Self-Love and he to teach me Patience.  Other contracts can be intentionally toxic, and once we reach a certain point can be helpful to officially close the contract to allow for continued expansion. For example, I had a contract with my Father for him to be emotionally abusive to me as a child – this was by design intended for me to block my spiritual abilities (one does not connect to higher states of consciousness easily when they are in fight or flight mode) and expand my mastery of empathy.  Now that this contract is no longer needed, I was able to close it and improve my relationship with my father.

• The challenge here is understanding soul contracts requires a connection with one’s higher self.  Anyone can do this with practice and through meditation, but it does involve a deeper level of self-awareness.

If anything shared herein resonates with you or you would like to take a dive further into your emotional healing, I invite you to schedule a call with me or book a reading. It would be my honor to support you on this journey.